Love is explored in Arms and the Man by Shaw in two places: through war and through romance.
The major romance in the play is between Raina and Sergius. Superficially, they are an ideal match. Their social status matches, and when they are with each other, they are the archetypes often found in the chivalric romances of the Middle Ages. Sergius is proud and strong with a little swagger. Raina behaves as she has been taught she should. However, they are both playing parts, and love cannot be purely superficial. The standards for courtship are rigid and idealized, and do not allow for true expressions of feelings. Eventually, they must confront their true feelings, and the reality does not mesh with the ideal they envisioned. Raina ends up with Bluntschli, a practical, sturdy sort of man, not the sort songs are written about.
Sergius is not so successful in overcoming his ideals. He puts Raina on a pedestal as he does war. War has always been glorified in history, and Sergius is no exception. After experiencing war he says,
“And how ridiculous! Oh, war! War! The dream of patriots and heroes! A fraud, Bluntschli, a hollow sham.”
Sergius admits that glory in war is a dream, a love that comes about from not truly experiencing something. However, he sees this not as an issue with war and the way war is seen, but with the men themselves who fight in it. The war is settled with a peace treaty, which Catherine feels is not how war is supposed to end. In war, the enemy must be crushed. Balance and restraint are not the markers of a hero.
The ideal versus the reality—this is what Shaw was playing with when describing both love of a person and love of war. For Shaw, it is the ideal of love that must be overcome in order to achieve happiness.
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